10 Things You Should Know Before Traveling Alone for the First Time

(Or Things That I Discovered On My First Time Flying Alone)

1.     YOU SHOULD make sure that when behind an attractive late 20-something man at security, when you take our your ID out, make sure they can’t see that your ID is a vertical (under 21) ID versus a horizontal ID (21+), it is embarrassing and all chances are gone when they know you are not even legally able to buy alcohol. You can conveniently hide your ID behind your boarding pass. Also, you should not obnoxiously take over the entire security load up table for your two bins and three bags. Both are equally embarrassing.

2.     YOU SHOULD get Starbucks at the airport. Even if you are not sophisticated enough to drink coffee (or maybe that is just me) you look a lot classier/mature if you have a Starbuck’s cup in your hand, not to mention experienced. I don’t know why, you just do.

3.     YOU SHOULD not react even if you knock over the sunglass display at Hudson News, just apologize casually and clean it up the best you can. If you make a scene, people will stare and realize you are young and probably mug you. (The part about getting mugged didn’t happen to me, but I feel like it is something that would happen to me, quite frankly, I’m surprised it didn’t).

4.     YOU SHOULD befriend Mexican teenagers from University of Washington sitting next to you on the plane because if the plane is going to go down they will probably help you. Also, if you get sick on the plane they will talk you through your fears because they were probably on a connecting flight from Seattle and threw up because of turbulence on their flight landing in O’Hare.

5.     YOU SHOULD keep your iPod on even if the flight attendant tells you to turn off all electronics before take off. Let’s be real… it doesn’t effect the plane.

6.     YOU SHOULD recline your seat as soon as you sit down in your seat on the plane. If you do it midflight, you will get some haters in your area of the plane. Shit will get real awkward.

7.     YOU SHOULD not wear a green, velour, Juicy jumpsuit on the plane… or ever. Just because green velour Juicy jumpsuits may have be in-style in 2001, doesn’t mean they are in-style now. I obviously didn’t make this mistake but the person next to me sure did. Idiot.  

8.     YOU SHOULD beware of gays on the plane. You may have experienced one gay flight attendant on a 2010 Spirit flight home from West Palm Beach which ended up making an emergency landing in Indianapolis because the man behind you had a heart attack, but you will probably experience another. My first gay flight attendant’s name was Fabio and my second’s name was Thomas. Do you think they know each other?

9.     YOU SHOULD study American Way magazine and discover after 20 minutes that contrary to popular belief, West Palm Beach is in fact on the East Coast of Florida not the West Coast. If you think that you are facing the Gulf of Mexico rather than the Atlantic Ocean you are dumb and naïve. Don’t feel bad, I was dumb and naïve prior to today.

10 YOU SHOULD say goodbye to your Mexicano friends you met from Washington because you are entering Boca Raton where the average age is deceased and you will not see someone your age until you return from your trip.